Hotel tech vendors trying to pick up revenue managers: “I know what you want, baby”
Dating a Revenue Manager isn’t for the faint-hearted—neither is pitching a tech system to them. Been on all sides of it. The guy selling, buying, using, trashing, loving, multi single you name it....I got you!
And yet, there is so much BS going on, it becomes quite comical: Hoteliers are "dumb", tech vendors sell "smoke and mirrors" - we have seen it, we have been there, we heard it.
Vendors know they need to bring their A-game, promising efficiency, insights, and results. But for every "I know what you want," there’s an RM thought bubble waiting to respond.
Here’s what those pick-up lines would sound like if the vendors tried their best… and what the RMs really think.
1. PMS (Property Management System): "I know what you want: a system that handles all your operational headaches so you can focus on strategy."
RM Thought: “Cute. But if you can’t handle integrations with my RMS, CRS, and channel manager, we’re done before we start.”
2. RMS (Revenue Management System): "I know what you want: automated pricing strategies that drive maximum revenue while you sip coffee."
RM Thought: “Sip coffee? More like chug it while fixing your recommendations. Let’s see how accurate your AI really is. PS, if my boss sees me sipping...what will I do?!?!?”
3. CRS (Central Reservation System): "I know what you want: all your reservations in one place, perfectly organized, just like your calendar."
RM Thought: “Fine, but if you can’t handle room upgrades or loyalty rates without manual intervention, we’re through.”
4. Channel Manager: "I know what you want: seamless updates across every OTA, no overbookings, no stress."
RM Thought: “No stress? Tell me that after I try mapping your room types with five different channel setups.”
5. Rate Shopper: "I know what you want: real-time competitive intel, so you always stay ahead of the game."
RM Thought: “Sounds nice, but you typically give me stale rates reactively. I am just too buys to show you. PS: and stop saying Rate parity as if you own it.”
6. CRM (Customer Relationship Management): "I know what you want: to understand your guests better than they understand themselves."
RM Thought: “Sure, but if I can’t pull segment-level insights into my BI tool, what’s the point?”
7. Upselling Tool: "I know what you want: more revenue per guest, effortlessly.”
RM Thought: “Effortless? Let me guess: I’ll still need to configure the offers manually for each segment "your way, not my way". Because you know best, right?”
8. BI Tool (Business Intelligence): "I know what you want: data visualization that makes your reports shine.”
RM Thought: “Shine? Please. Consistent data please! Same number 2 screens is already nirvana”
9. Guest Messaging System: "I know what you want: direct guest engagement without lifting a finger."
RM Thought: “Without lifting a finger? Until a chatbot ‘yes’ turns into an overbooked room, right?”
10. POS System (Restaurant/Bar): "I know what you want: accurate sales data that makes F&B profitability easy."
RM Thought: “Easy? Have you seen your DOS based UI?”
11. Review Aggregator: "I know what you want: the power to turn guest feedback into actionable insights."
RM Thought: “Actionable insights? More like "Wasn't me...I am just saying."
12. Booking Engine: "I know what you want: direct bookings that skip the commission fees."
RM Thought: “Skip commissions? We give 10% discount and still see no visitors nor conversions.”
13. Marketing Automation Tool: "I know what you want: campaigns that target the right guest, at the right time, every time."
RM Thought: “Every time??? Let me guess: AI?.”
14. Accounting Software: "I know what you want: crystal-clear financials that make your reporting a breeze."
RM Thought: “Crystal clear? Unless you’re misaligning ADR with net revenue again.”
15. Wildcard: Gym Management Software: "I know what you want: fit, happy guests who love your wellness offerings."
RM Thought: “I’d want it even more if your reports could show me the ROI on fitness memberships.”
A Love Story (or Not)
Every tech vendor says, “I know what you want.” But the truth is, Revenue Managers don’t care about sweet-talking. They care about results, integration, and ease of use.
If you’re not solving their problems or making their life simpler, your pick-up line isn’t getting you upstairs.
